The Official Jokes Thread

James

James

Staff member
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started
learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say
something with hell and you say something with ass."

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants
for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and
runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping
his rear with every step.

His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let
you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a
stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be
Cheerios!"
 
James

James

Staff member
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and Replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost.. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's MY fault."
 
rezrider

rezrider

James:
View attachment 10301

Rules for Bullshit Bingo:

1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, print your "Bullshit Bingo"

2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
Click to expand...

Me and another employee (at a different company) played this once in a meeting. The card consisted of all the current (to that day) "buzzwords/statements" like
1) thinking out of the box
2) systemic
3) teamplayer
Our boss was good for at least a half dozen of them in every meeting. My coworker won but declined to stand up and yell :BS: ... :chicken:...... :smirk:
 
James

James

Staff member
rezrider:
Me and another employee (at a different company) played this once in a meeting. The card consisted of all the current (to that day) "buzzwords/statements" like
1) thinking out of the box
2) systemic
3) teamplayer
Our boss was good for at least a half dozen of them in every meeting. My coworker won but declined to stand up and yell :BS: ... :chicken:...... :smirk:
Click to expand...
That would've been pretty damn funny. :lol::cry::lol:
 
jackson409

jackson409

rezrider:
Me and another employee (at a different company) played this once in a meeting. The card consisted of all the current (to that day) "buzzwords/statements" like
1) thinking out of the box
2) systemic
3) teamplayer
Our boss was good for at least a half dozen of them in every meeting. My coworker won but declined to stand up and yell :BS: ... :chicken:...... :smirk:
Click to expand...
I need to come up with one for my boss, only it needs to read "bonus" in every box, so then all we need to yell is :BS: the minute he starts in on our bonus plan he keeps talking about we still never see :smirk:
 
Kyle

Kyle

James:
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and Replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost.. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's MY fault."
Click to expand...
:thumb::lol:
 
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