James
Staff member
So what did the mouse say when he found a piece of cheese but no cracker to go with it?
This shits Kracka-Lackin!!!
And here I thought mine were cheesy. 
The Official Jokes Thread
- Thread starter James
- Start date
And here I thought mine were cheesy. 
So what did the mouse say when he found a piece of cheese but no cracker to go with it?
This shits Kracka-Lackin!!!
Little Billy's looking out the car window on his way home from school one day when he sees a dog humping another dog... he asks his dad... daddy, what are those dogs doing? dad looks and sees the dogs, immediately he thinks and says well son, the dog in the back must have burned his front feet on the hot cement and the other dog is helping him out... OK? Billy responds, isn't that always the case, when you try to help someone out you wind up getting fucked in the ass anyways.
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled
out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue is no longer an annoyance to others. She doesn't use her cell phone in public any more.
As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled
out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".
"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.
When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone,
"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Sue is no longer an annoyance to others. She doesn't use her cell phone in public any more.
Disney in an uproar!
Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black," the non-racist version of "Snow White," has been put on hold.
All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Pimp, and Wog have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes.
They also say they have no intention of singing "It's off to work we go".
Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black," the non-racist version of "Snow White," has been put on hold.
All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Pimp, and Wog have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes.
They also say they have no intention of singing "It's off to work we go".
TSA Annual Report
December 2013 Statistics
TSA disclosed the following Airport Full Body Scan Screening Results CATSA :
Terrorists Discovered 0
Transvestites133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3
It was also discovered that 308 politicians had no balls.
Thought you'd like to know.
December 2013 Statistics
TSA disclosed the following Airport Full Body Scan Screening Results CATSA :
Terrorists Discovered 0
Transvestites133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3
It was also discovered that 308 politicians had no balls.
Thought you'd like to know.
SEX IN THE SHOWER
WOW! YOU LEARN SOMETHING EVERYDAY.
In a recent survey commissioned by President Obama, his supporters have proven to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.
The survey was carried out for Democrats by a leading soap and toiletries firm.
The results revealed that 86% of Obama supporters said that they have had sex in the shower.
The remaining 14% said they haven't been to prison yet.
Sort of brings tears to your eyes, doesn't it?
WOW! YOU LEARN SOMETHING EVERYDAY.
In a recent survey commissioned by President Obama, his supporters have proven to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.
The survey was carried out for Democrats by a leading soap and toiletries firm.
The results revealed that 86% of Obama supporters said that they have had sex in the shower.
The remaining 14% said they haven't been to prison yet.
Sort of brings tears to your eyes, doesn't it?
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors & the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
(scroll and keep reading!)
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street..
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, beer, wine and have money.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors & the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
(scroll and keep reading!)
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street..
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, beer, wine and have money.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
